We are proud to offer these package deals to encourage your business. Bring a friend! Bring two! Bring hitchhikers! C'mon down and enjoy everything the swamp has to offer!
- Hideaway for Two
- When they just won't leave you along then bring them along! We only charge for one if we don't see the other. So take advantage of this two-for-one pricing and come to Hog's Hangout tomorrow. Only includes meals for one, perfect for when your significant other needs to go on a sudden weight loss diet!
- Weekend Family Getaway
- Bring the whole family down for a mini-vacation. Take them hiking in the swamp and see who makes it back! It's like your own personal "Survivor" show where you are the star. Deal covers a bungalow or cottage for two adults and as many children as you can bring. Check in is Friday after sunset, checkout is any time before sunrise the next Monday. Only available on weekends that include a new moon.
- Swamp Wedding
- Invite your friends and family to enjoy your nuptials here at Hog's Hangout! Includes the Castle for the wedding ceremony with Hog acting as master of ceremonies assisted by Deacon Teo. Open bungalows and cottages are available for half price in recognition of the holy sacramant that will be held.
- Swamp Divorce
- If your marriage didn't turn out the way you had hoped we are here to help you through those difficult times. Come to Hog's Hangout and Hog's brother-in-law will turn his hand to legal matters. He swings a mean cleaver and is a fair shot with a scatter gun: he can help you for a modest fee. Package includes ride for two in Hog's swamp boat. Bring your own ball and chain!
Search parties for lost guests may incur additional fees. This is a swamp, bodies will float unless thoroughly trapped. Not responsible for animal assaults. Don't bother the critters and they might not bother you.
Hey, morons, "rustic" means, "of or relating to the countryside" -- look it up you uneducated freaks. This "resort" isn't rustic, it is -- to put it nicely -- "squalid".
— Freemont, Ford