Hog's Hangout is your premier resort, featuring the best in rustic grandeur. With over two dozen cabins, five cottages and a castle we have a domicile just for you. While other resorts have let the recent economic hard times bring them down, we have been renovating and rebuilding. We now feature running water*, indoor and outdoor plumbing**, weather proof roofing and all new decor***.
Get away from the awful smog and drudgery of the city and enjoy the pure clean air of the swamp. Our mosquitos work tirelessly to keep it moving so even on the hottest days there's a breath of cool air crawling down your back.
And our resort is good for the skin! The latest reports from the CDC are that the horrific rash outbreak last year did not come from our mud. So why go to an expensive resort where you have to walk to the mud spa: at Hog's Hangout you just walk out the front door of your bungalow and there you are! And some of our bungalows feature built-in mud spas!
We know you like to get away in style, but are budget sensitive as well. We can accomodate all clientele regardless of financial situations. We bring in the finest hot
Here at Hog's Hangout, we know how to find the silver linin' on any cloud. It ain't hard, really. You just look up and watch the rain pourin' down. Especially here recently. We got more rain than a river full of trout and its washed last years smells right outa the swamp. So if you live some place that's got too much sun, just come on over and we can give you all the grey skies you could ever want.
I just love seeing all the fresh-eyed faces of the down-on-their luck folk that Hog's Hangout extends their generosity to. So happy and refreshed -- for many of them its the only lucky break their ever gonna get. Watchin get off the bus it's not just the eyes that'r a-waterin'. Its a home comin' come true. Thank you, Hog, thank you. God Bless you.
— Lupus, Anchorage
Hey, morons, "rustic" means, "of or relating to the countryside" -- look it up you uneducated freaks. This "resort" isn't rustic, it is -- to put it nicely -- "squalid".
— Freemont, Ford
* no more stagnant water! Even the deepest backwaters now have water circulators installed. If you catch one, please release it and no biting! We offer snacks at the Watch House.
** if the lack of plumbing has been holding you back then get ready to come on over! We have installed the finest out houses donated by neighboring farms and if you are feeling modest bed pans are available for most abodes.
*** These roofs have withstood the fiercest hurricanes and were only slightly damaged during retrieval and reinstallation. Many are now decorated by Mother Nature with all new water stains, rubbish and refuse!