Interested in a long and rewarding career with Hog's Hangout? So are we! The following positions are available, please inquire within. We are an equal opportunity employer: we don't care what your gender, species*, age, handicap or that other thing is—there's no discrimination, we just want to hire you.
- Dish Washer
- It may not be glamorous, but it is needed. The dishes don't exactly clean themselves and we need your help. Our team of dish washers work in a safe, clean environment with every modern convenience. Duties include cutting and splitting wood to use for heating water, and making lye from wood ash to use for cleaning. But it isn't all work: between shifts the crew use damaged plates and bowls for skeet. Pay commensurate with effort.
- This is a general duty position that primarily does unskilled labor around the Watch House. Things are especially busy on Thursday nights. Lots of fetch and carry. Oh, and drudges clean the outhouses and shovel the shit out of the Watch House latrine monthly. Raises are assessed every fortnight—with special retention incentives offered.
- Grounds Keeper
- This is a challenging job with lots of outdoors time, perfect for CPAs tired of sitting in a cramped, windowless cubicle. Get out to the swamp, build some muscle and stretch your legs. Duties include maintaining the trails and fending off gators. Shovel, axe, pitchfork, shotgun, machete and mallet provided. Ammunition is not. May be tasked to guide guests on trails.
- Handy Man
- Does maintenance work on and around the Watch House, bungalows, cottages, and the Castle. Requires skill with basic tools, knowledge of plumbing and an extensive vocabulary. Other duties as assigned, particularly when short on drudges. No extra pay when doing drudge work.
- Kitchen Crew
- Work under the direct supervision of the greatest chef in any parish! Learn cookings skills from a master of the art! Order drudges around! We look after our own, and none of the crew ends up in the stew pot by accident. Rated top in safety by the Inter-Parish Council for Safety in Work. Voted most likely to succeed in the hunger games. No minimum age to work thanks to a special dispensation.
- This is our most recent opening and requires an experienced chef who knows swamp cooking in and out. Those who are faint of heart or who are unfamiliar with how to wield a cleaver in self defense need not apply. Take advantage of our wide ranging selection of herbs, spices and special seasonings. Learn how #9 birdshot can transform found fowl into wild fowl. Prepare and use black powder in your cooking. Management skills required, pay is more than you would think. Ask within!
* Okay, maybe we care a little bit about your species. Ruminants preferred for some jobs, predators for others.
That is not dead which can eternal rot, especially when its in Hog's Swamp! Prepare to lose your mortal mind to the dread depths of inner space where the Old Ones hobble around on walkers and the gator's lick their chops.
— Abdul al-Azred, Arabia